i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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