you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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