I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
