i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
