I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize