I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
