first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize