He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
