I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
