I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Everclear isn't food dammit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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