In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
