I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize