Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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