She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize