i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
