I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
