Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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