If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
