you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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