first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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