I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
