I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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