I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
do nipples grow back?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
