I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
