a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
