I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
