It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
