just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
