you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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