Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
