My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
