Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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