Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
