Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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