i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
