Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
