you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
