If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
