Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
