In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize