Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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