Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she peed on how many people?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
