...so i touched it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize