you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
