The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
