So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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