All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
