I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this just has baby written all over it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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