Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
