Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
