I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
