If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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