Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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