Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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