I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
