Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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