I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
