I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
