dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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