dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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