maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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