There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
