i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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