clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
