Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's like iHOP with fire
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
