you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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