It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
