so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
