It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
